"Thandie was new to the city. Her husband had won a prestigious fellowship to the university and her 4 month old twins were healthy but a handful. They never seemed to sleep at the same time and were always hungry. Thandie couldn't take a shower without one of them waking and crying and then waking the other….she was beside herself. She was exhausted and lonely and sometimes just a little resentful of having to do it all.

She found our number at the grocery store. The store often welcomed local organizations to come and display information about their programs and services. Thandie said she was drawn to the name – WARMLINE – it felt safe and comfortable and the magnet went right on her refrigerator. When she called, I answered…I knew what it was like because I had raised three children who were very close in age. I told her about a moms' group in her neighborhood where all the children and babies come as well and the moms take a little time to do some things for themselves. I also mentioned that the local college had a sitter registry – young people who had training and were looking for a few hours of work. But most of all, I listened and let her tell me how she felt. The best part – Thandie said when the girls get older and go off to school, she would like to be a WARMLINE volunteer and help someone else, like I had helped her. That made my day!"

Doris, WARMLINE volunteer

"It's not uncommon. We're asked to meet with a kid like Kevin about truancy issues. But once we get an appointment and show up at his home, we discover that truancy is just a symptom, and the problems behind it aren't nearly so straightforward.

Kevin, who is 14, is truant from school because he stays home to care for his 2-year-old old sister. Mom has a problem with addiction and, although sometimes she's fine, Kevin has come home from school on several occasions to find his baby sister hungry, wet, and crying. There's no telling how long Mom has been sleeping or out looking for her supplies. It was hard for him to concentrate at school, so he just stopped going. He might also discover that there is no food in the home, the utilities have been shut off, or an eviction notice is on the kitchen table.

"Kevin tells us that his mom uses drugs, mostly when she and her boyfriend have had a fight and he has beat her up. Kevin tries to protect his mom, but her boyfriend hits him if he interferes."

In this situation, we need to wear many hats. We need to persuade Kevin's mom that she needs drug and alcohol treatment, so that she doesn't lose her children. We need to work on getting a more secure housing situation, and she needs extensive counseling around the violence that threatens her and her children. The food bank could offer some assistance, and the children need counseling as well. We'll help Kevin's mom set goals and step-by-step ways to achieve them for her family and herself."

-Marie S., Family Resources Crisis Intervention Worker

"My granddaughter must have been about 7 when someone called me on the phone and told me that she had been physically abused by her mother. I contacted Family Resources and made an appointment to bring her in.

Dominique is 9 now. She likes to read, likes to play a lot of games. And she loves getting attention from me. I have custody of her--legal custody.

I had heard about Family Resources from a caseworker I knew, who felt Dominique might get some good out of therapy.

"Before she started coming to Family Resources, Dominique used to just go and scream and holler and cry and kick- she couldn't understand why her mother would do the things that she had done to her."

"Coming to Family Resources has helped her deal with part of her anger, and helped her accept the fact that certain things do happen in life and that she was not to blame. Before, she was blaming herself for quite a few things.

The services here are wonderful- I mean, they really took time with her. I think she's much happier now, and it's really helped me to see quite a few things, too."

-Brenda J.

"I came to the Family Support Center because I needed a better place for my family to live. I was staying with my mom, my boyfriend, and my three kids in a two-bedroom house in the Hill District.

I found out about the Hill District Center from a friend, and she told me to go sign up. For real, at first I was just going to see what they could do about helping me find housing. I could really care less about the rest of the things they offer. It was hard for me to go to the center the first time, because I don't like people in my business. I heard they do home visits, and I don't like people in my house.

After I went to the center and got signed up, they showed me around and talked to me about what they do. I still didn't want people in my house, so they told me I could do "home" visits at the center. I felt better after finding out I could come to the center. After getting visits for about two months, I did find housing and became involved in other activities. I started getting my visits in my home, and now I love the ideas my home visitor gives me about my kid's development."

-Lynn R.

"She came to Family Resources because she was having problems interacting with people at work. She was depressed, angry, easily frustrated. She thought about suicide, and often blamed others for her problems.

As we talked, I learned that Arlene was sexually abused by her father when she was a child. The abuse was never acknowledged and, as an adult, Arlene cut herself off from her family. Now in her early 40s, she is receiving individual therapy at Family Resources, and participating in a group for adults who were abused or molested as children.

"At first, in therapy, she was irritable. She complained that she 'had a hard time being around people.'

But Arlene began to see how- by changing the way she responds to others- she could improve her relationships with co-workers. She's stopped automatically blaming the rest of the world for the way she feels and acts. She's begun to practice responding differently in group therapy, and this change in her thinking and behavior has had positive implications in her career. She recently went to a work-related meeting in another city, and has started volunteering at the local library and in her church, 'instead of falling apart every day,' as she says. She's also re-thinking her relationships with family members. Arlene is taking more responsibility for herself, reaching out to others in the group for help, and supporting other group members."

-Alice B., Family Resources Therapist

"I couldn't believe I had to be in this class. How did things get so out of control? One minute I am trying to work two jobs and hold things together and the next I'm called off my job because Wesley, my ten year old, hasn't been going to school and was caught hanging out at some house with these older kids. Bottom line, the charge was underage drinking and truancy and the magistrate said me and Wes had to get some counseling. I have to make sure he is in school and now I have to enroll in parenting courses!

I don't have a car and all I could think was here I go, two buses somewhere, at night, in the cold…what a mess. One of the women who works in the magistrate's office told me that in that same building Family Resources held parenting classes – mostly for parents like me, whose kids are getting into trouble or those who don't have the parenting skills and support to keep their kids in line. Well, at least that was good – I wouldn't have far to go.

These classes were nothing like I thought – the leader of the group told us what she was going to do and what she expected from us and then told us the rules of the group. Nobody got to cut down my ideas – everyone was heard – we were encouraged to share our feelings, our problems with our kids and with the communities where we lived – people actually listened to me and offered advice. I actually started to look forward to coming. And some of the things I was taught to try actually began to work with Wes."

Darla, mom

"As parents, Tracy and Matt were broken. Both had survived abuse at the hands of addicted parents, but neither had the skills to avoid passing their trauma on to their own children.

When Allegheny County Night Court called us at Crisis Intervention Services one evening last fall, we knew it was serious. Tracy and her children — ages 16, 12, 7, and 5 — were there, in the process of obtaining a protection-from-abuse order (PFA) against her long-time boyfriend, Matt. Tracy was reluctant to agree to even a temporary PFA, saying that she wanted to work things out with her children's father. The next day, she failed to follow through with the long-term PFA, and her children were removed from her home.

The hearing that followed was deeply emotional. The older children admitted -in the presence of extended family members who had stepped forward to provide foster care- that their parents had physically abused them."

"Tracy and Matt opened up to me and began to tell their story. Both had been raised by physically abusive and addicted parents. Both had been in foster care, and Matt, as a teenager, had been in the juvenile probation system."

"Now Tracy and Matt had lost their family, and their way of life, in a matter of weeks.

I referred them to Outpatient Psychotherapy Services at Family Resources. In couples counseling, they began to learn to resolve conflicts more calmly, and are now attending our parent education course in nurturing. Matt has begun a training program for a heavy equipment operator's license. The children are in individual counseling through Outpatient Psychotherapy Services. Although they are still in foster care, Tracy speaks with the kids' therapists every week, and participates in collateral sessions. She attends each of their appointments and completely supports their treatment, despite the difficult topics that have been raised.

Tracy and Matt have acknowledged their mistakes and are making genuine efforts to use all the help- therapy, support, parent education -that we offer. They understand the damage they have caused. When their kids are returned to them, they are determined to do better for their children and themselves."

-Melanie S., Family Resources Crisis Intervention Services worker

"Fran experienced physical and sexual abuse as a young girl at the hands of her mother's boyfriend. Now in her late 40s and divorced, Fran called the police when her teenage son struck her.

On the surface, the violence seemed to have flared during an argument about taking out the garbage. But for Fran, the fuse had been burning since she was abused as a child, and married, at 14, to a 24-year-old man.

The county's Office of Children, Youth, and Families directed the family to our Parent-Teen Conflict Program. Our therapist, working with Fran and her son, referred Fran to a Family Resources psychiatrist. Since then, she's been in treatment for depression. Fran confided to the therapist that, not only had she been unemployed and suffering chronic pain, but that she had never learned to read. Now she's making progress in her own treatment plan, trying to overcome the challenges of her childhood and learning to be a more consistent, empathetic parent. Fran's son, who is a father at 17, also is receiving treatment at Family Resources. He's taking more responsibility for his infant daughter, learning to better manage conflict with his mother, and making plans for what he will do after graduation."

-Stephen T., Family Resources Parent-Teen Conflict Counselor

"What makes this work meaningful? I've stayed with Family Resources for 14 years because working with children and adults who have been abused is more challenging than conventional mental health services work.

While it might be easier, in a way, to work with the victims, I've developed empathy even for the perpetrators and what the legal system calls 'non-offending parents'-those who don't intervene to protect the child.

What moves me is listening and understanding the other's perspective, and learning to look for small signs of transformation in a person's life. Without seeing those signs, a therapist really could get burned out. I know that I didn't make the transformation happen directly, but my involvement helped. I continue to learn different techniques, and I've had to explore a lot of things for myself.

"I've seen some miracles happen. The work has made me bigger in the heart- not so judgmental and critical. Helped me let go of a lot of petty stuff."

In previous jobs, I focused on helping parents change their behavior. This job has a stronger emotional component, and that makes it the hardest job I've ever had. I've learned to think about emotional change, not just behavior change. I never thought I could work with offenders- it's probably the most intellectually challenging part of the job. This is different from any agency I've ever worked at before."

-Daphne., Family Resources Outpatient Therapist